Let’s try this again

The last 6 weeks have been a rollercoaster. A sentiment that I am sure is echoed in your life, and lives across our globe. This is unlike anything I have seen in my short years on this earth, and yet, so familiar to stories from history.

I had set aside the social media aspects of life for season of Lent. Postured myself to fast and seek the Lord. And it was beautiful, while it was. My dad tested COVID-19 positive on March 27th. A very early case in the city of Houston. As a man, over 60, rocking a pacemaker, he falls into a higher risk category. My mom, who is a cancer survivor, and developed diabetes as a side effect of chemo, also falls into that category.

For 10 days, we sneaked video calls with my dad whenever he had the energy for it.  All too aware that in the worst case scenarios, there is no goodbyes for family, we walked the thin tightrope of not frightening our kids as we prayed for his health. Day 10 brought good news, not a turn for the worst and the whole family breathed a sigh of relief, although he wouldn’t test negative for another 2 weeks. This virus does not give up easily.

Having stepped onto social media to ask for prayers, I found myself sucked back into the world of, “I wonder what everyone else is up too” and even though my dad is well again, I find myself scrolling endlessly to pass the time. Those hours I had spent investing in my relationship with the Lord turned into mind numbing uselessness. I’m not exaggerating. I have zero self control once I start.

It has become painfully obvious that, for me, social media takes more than it gives. My patience shrinks instantaneously. My passion for my life’s work – which is not all that glamorous -hello motherhood- shrivels up. I lost what little vision I had gained over the few weeks I was away. And I stopped writing, because I could share quick blips and pretty photos on Insta…who needs my deeper thoughts or my ramblings as I process out loud (via words on a screen).

As I heard the gentle call to lay it aside again, we quietly celebrated the end of a 5 year journey. My husband graduated with his Master of Fine Arts in Studio Art with no ceremony, no thesis show, and no party. Thanks Covid. We also mourned the fact that, although we had expected for him to transition to full time at the job he had been working while in school, his employer decided he would be best used as a subcontractor instead.

On the highs of celebrating healing and accomplishment, and the lows of the losses laid before us, we have dedicated the remainder of May to praying and fasting and seeking wisdom.  There is one thing that I am beyond certain of…that God is good and faithful and has a good plan for our lives, and I am hoping that, as we seek His guidance, He will let us in on what that looks like for our next steps.

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